Have you heard of black and white thinking?
“All or nothing” or black and white thinking styles are incredibly common, especially when it comes to the fitness world. With this thinking style, you’re either “making progress or you’re not”, “ticking the boxes or not”, “eating 100% clean or ordering a takeaway”, “smashing the gym 6x a week or not going at all”. Do you see where I’m going with this?
In essence, black and white thinking means that there is no in between in life, there’s no middle ground nor any shades of grey. And in case it wasn’t obvious already, this type of thinking pattern can be quite unhelpful when it comes to achieving your health, fitness, and physique goals, irrespective of what those may look like for you.
This is something I frequently see in clients too, especially when we first start working together – they may feel like because they have a plan and program in place now, that there is this expectation that they need to hit the nail on the head from the get-go, and have perfect weeks EVERY week, when in truth, this is not realistic.
Learning how to move away from the black and white extremes and getting comfortable with the grey space is what allows most people to achieve the results they’ve achieved. Why? Because if you can be 80% consistent 100% of the time you are far more likely to succeed (and enjoy the process!) than if you try to be 100% and only manage that 40% of the time. It’s worth noting that this degree of flexibility does reduce a little when you’re prepping for a show, for example, but for 90% of us it holds true. The grey space is where the magic happens.
I wouldn’t be writing this article if living in the grey space was easy or straightforward though, so let’s break it down: how can we move away from black and white thinking, so that our thought patterns can support our journey and our results?
Step 1 – recognise what events “activate” that thinking style
When it comes to what I see with clients, most of the time it’s a small slip in routine. Whether they find themselves unable to meal prep and having to get food on the go, or suddenly something comes up with work and they cannot make the gym that day, these are the types of events that will “activate” the black and white thinking mode. This triggers them to then feel frustrated and dissatisfied with themselves, because they blame themselves for events they couldn’t control; and of course, the dissatisfaction and frustration just breeds more of that feeling, so it can end up spiralling out of control.
Step 2 – recognise what beliefs get louder with the trigger
“Well, I’ve had to get a Tesco chicken salad meal deal for lunch which isn’t on my plan, so I might as well fuck off the diet for the rest of today”. Sound familiar? And how often does this then lead to a bad week? Or, “I won’t have time to do my whole workout today at the gym because I’ve had to stay at work a bit later, I’ll just sack it off”. We’ve all experienced these, or heard someone say these out loud too, so the next step for moving into the grey space is to understand what thoughts you’re saying to yourself when things wobble a little. What do you find the most distressing or frustrating thought to be? And what are you doing with that thought when it shows up – are you trying to eliminate it, or are you completely buying into it and believing it?
Step 3 – assess the consequences
Not just the consequences of the actions you end up taking as a result of these extreme thought patterns, but more so the impact it ends up having on your own mental wellbeing. How do you feel after you engage in these thought patters, after you tell yourself that all the progress is ruined, and you’ll never be good enough? How intensely are these consequences affecting you? What do you tend to do in response to those feelings (i.e., does it breed more negativity and keep the cycle going? For example, does one Tesco meal deal lead to a takeaway, lead to a whole week of not tracking calories?). Understanding the long-term impact of these thought patterns is key to helping you move through them – because essentially, you’ll realise that your current response is not helpful and is not working for you, and as such, that an alternative is needed.
Step 4 – assess the alternative
What I men by this is that, once you’ve realised that your back and white thinking is not helping you move towards the things that matter to you because you’re so fused with these thoughts, then we need to find an alternative. The reality is that these thoughts are not going to stop popping into your brain, so rather than constantly striving towards perfection to avoid these thoughts emerging, this process is about understanding whether you can change what you do when these thoughts (inevitably) show up. This is where accepting that these thoughts are normal is incredibly helpful, because if it’s normal to have thoughts like that then we get a choice with how we choose to relate to them.
Step 5 – Create some space between you and the thought
Yes, acceptance seems straightforward on paper but actually, these thoughts can really get under your skin. As such, once you’ve accepted that thinking things that are unhelpful is a normal part of being human, then the next step is to defuse from those thoughts.
For example, let’s imagine that you find yourself thinking that “I’ve had an extra cookie that wasn’t included in my calories, so I might as well spend the rest of today over-eating”. A simple defusion technique would include to paraphrase that sentence like this:
– I’m having the thought that I’ve had an extra cookie that wasn’t included in my calories, so I might as well spend the rest of today over-eating
– I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that I’ve had an extra cookie that wasn’t included in my calories, so I might as well spend the rest of today over-eating
In this way, you’re not getting rid of the thought but you’re simply appreciating that it is just a thought, and that you don’t have to believe it or buy into it – you get to choose what to do next, even in the presence of thoughts that feel distressing or compel you to behave in a certain way!
In reality, although it might feel catastrophical, missing a workout or over-eating on a given day really won’t hinder your progress – only if you get so tangled up in that thought of ruining progress that you press the fuck it button and jump aboard the self-sabotage ship!
Hopefully, having considered some of the reflections above on accepting and defusing from those trigger thoughts, you can come to a more balanced or “grey space” way of viewing the situation. Like I mentioned above, you’ll realise that it’s not all or nothing, and that ultimately, being able to show up consistently enough for long enough is what will enable you to achieve your goals. This applies to whether you’re in a dieting phase, trying to gain weight, getting into a new routine, or anything at all in life that causes you distress.
