If you’ve ever found yourself freaking out because you suddenly couldn’t exercise or be as active as you thought you’d be, then this is written for you (buckle up, she’s a long one today!).

Let me start by telling you a personal story:

In December 2020, my then fiancée and I were moving into our new house. We had the date for getting the keys: it was a Thursday. Now, Thursdays was my “big leg day” back then – and I knew that we’d be eating takeaways throughout the moving weekend (because what else are you supposed to eat?). So, I inevitably found myself stressing out at the thought of not being able to exercise on that moving day. And on our moving day, I got myself up at 4.45am, got the bus to the gym, only to injure my back on my second set of deadlifts, not even 10minutes into my workout. I couldn’t bend or carry things for over a week.

In hindsight, it’s so obvious to see that my relationship with exercise and food were so intertwined that I couldn’t bear the thought of eating “off plan” without relying on exercise. And unfortunately, this is something I see in my clients every week, in some shape or form:

• distress in the face of (normal) exercise opportunities being taken away, due to competing priorities and/or injury or illness
• distress in the face of social events that involve more/different food and little to no opportunities for physical activity
• general distress, and a feeling of only knowing how to / being able to cope with it through physical activity or exercise

And look, there’s nothing wrong with using exercise as a means to work through difficult and/or distressing thoughts & feelings. In fact, the benefits of exercise for mental health are well known (e.g., Ekkekakis, 2023). There’s also nothing wrong about feeling frustrated when your normal routines are disrupted, or when you feel like you’re being derailed from your goals due to social commitments.

However, if you’ve noticed that exercise is the only way in which you feel able to cope with discomfort and/or distress, or that you feel unable to cope or tolerate different situations without exercise (where it becomes conditional), it can develop an unhelpful function and can lead down a slippery slope of exercise dependence.

Importantly, nobody goes out of their way to develop an exercise dependence, and yet it can be quite distressing and give rise to a lot of shame [e.g., “why am I like this”]. But there is something you can do about it.

Step 1: The key to building a more helpful relationship with exercise, and learning how to cope with distress/discomfort without using exercise, is to understand what FUNCTION or ROLE exercise plays in your life.

Becoming aware of how exercise helps you cope is the first step to then establishing what else you can do to cope, that doesn’t involve or require a potentially unhelpful relationship with physical activity.

So, ask yourself this:

When you’re moved to exercise, when you feel overwhelmed by uncomfortable or distressing thoughts and feelings,

– Do you feel like you’re moving through those thoughts/emotions?
– Do you feel like you’re moving away from those thoughts/emotions?
– Do you feel like you’re dulling down or numbing those thoughts/emotions?

Neither of these functions are good or bad; it’s simply that when exercise is the only way in which we achieve the above, it can lead to an unhelpful relationship with movement.

Step 2: Learn, practice, and develop your ability to tolerate distress/discomfort

If exercise is the only way in which you feel able to cope, and as a result of that, it has developed some unhelpful functions, then it follows that developing more ways to cope with that distress/discomfort would be helpful.

Crucially, when exercise has a function of either avoiding or numbing difficult thoughts and feelings, the [unfortunate, for all of us] solution to move away from using exercise to cope, is to learn to be in the presence of those difficulties, without them overwhelming you.

Note that distress tolerance isn’t about resigning or defeating yourself in the face of painful emotions; it’s about compassionately understanding that it’s not your fault that you’re finding these things difficult, and committing to doing something about it.

(1)Anchor yourself in the present moment by adopting a soothing breathing rhythm (I use an adaptation of this breathing exercise with my clients)

(2)Cast your mind, slowly, towards the difficulty you’re experiencing – as if you were a person who’s building up the courage to walk into a dark cave

(3)Every time you feel like you might become overwhelmed, return to your breathing anchor; and once you feel grounded again, return towards that difficult experience

(4)Imagine yourself standing in the face of it: whether it’s a monster that is shouting criticisms at you (e.g., you’ll become fat if you eat out tonight without having gone to the gym!), or insulting you (e.g., you’re worthless and stupid and lazy), or worrying you (e.g., you’ll never be able to get back to where you were before). Keep your soothing breathing rhythm going, and see what it’s like to hold your ground even in the presence of the thoughts, feelings, sensations that you find most difficult to tolerate.

If you’ve read the above and think you might need more support implementing these steps, get in touch via the enquiry form and let me know.