If you’ve ever wondered WHY you keep being so critical and nasty to yourself, then this article is for you.
Self-criticism shows up as many different things
You might have observed that despite not liking what you see in the mirror, the only consistent thing about your motivation to exercise is that it fluctuates all the time.
You might have also noticed that your adherence to a particular goal-directed nutritional strategy (e.g., a calorie deficit for weight loss, or calorie surplus for Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery) is actually really difficult to follow, even though the end-goal is something you’re desperate to achieve.
Similarly, you might find yourself constantly caught up in self-sabotage loops or “all or nothing” thinking that leads you to engage in behaviours that prevent you from achieving your goals.
Ultimately, it is very likely that you feel like you’re constantly in a cycle of self-directed frustration because of your perceived inability to do what matters.
And whilst this can feel baffling, confusing and frustrating, my experience would tell me that you probably have a savage inner critic that is the culprit for these exhausting paradoxical behavioural cycles you’ve found yourself stuck in.
Self-criticism is killing your motivation and drive
I know it might seem like I’m stating the obvious here, but the reason why you can’t stick to something long-term, the reason why you keep being on and off the proverbial “bandwagon”, and the reason why you keep self-sabotaging is because of your inner critic.
It does feel a bit like a chicken and egg situation, but think about it this way:
Imagine you were trying to learn a really difficult subject, and you had a teacher who pointed out every single mistake you made, and called you “an ignorant git”, “useless piece of sh*t”, “can’t get anything right”, every time you made a mistake. How motivated would you be to continue to persevere with the lessons?!
Compare this to a situation in which the teacher might gently point out your mistakes, make some suggestions, encourage you for trying hard, and comment on the progress you are making. How might your motivation be different?
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Obviously it goes without saying that nobody actually chooses to have their internal self-criticism monologue turned up so loud, which of course, brings us to the next question:
Why TF am I so self-critical?!
As my clients will proudly quote me, I firmly believe that all behaviour makes sense in context – and as such, even our most painful and distressing or discouraging thoughts serve some sort of purpose or function, and this is no different for our self-critic.
There are many “functions” that your self-critic may have, and identifying which one(s) are true for you is the key step to starting to work WITH (not against) your self-critic. Below is a list of the most common functions of the self-critic, and as you read through the list, consider whether or not each one applies to you (in a yes/no manner). [list taken from Irons & Beaumont, 2017]
I get critical and angry with myself… :
- To make sure I keep up my standards
- To stop myself being happy
- To show I care about my mistakes
- Because if I punish myself I feel better
- To stop me being lazy
- To harm part of myself
- To keep myself in check
- To punish myself for my mistakes
- To stop getting overconfident
- To stop me being angry with others
- To make me concentrate
- To gain reassurance from others
- To prevent future embarrassments
It can be quite a jarring experience to notice what the function or purpose of your self-critic is – and yet, without this awareness or understanding, it is incredibly difficult to work with your inner critic, in a way that can ensure it doesn’t continue to get in the way of your motivation, nor keep perpetuating the self-sabotage cycles that are keeping you stuck.
You will notice that some functions are more self-harming than others, and if you are concerned then please do reach out so I can send you some additional resources for support.
So, why are you self-critical? Has this provided any new insight for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so do email me – I’d love to know how this landed!
